Aim of the article
To provide a deeper understanding of negative or destructive relationships, it’s essential to explore how these dynamics can affect individuals and their interactions over time. This will help to clarify the complexities of relationships, shedding light on the often hidden challenges that people face within them. By allowing for such clarity, we can better navigate and hopefully improve the quality of our relationships moving forward.
I learned that when it comes to relationships, things don’t always make sense, you can’t force chemistry or love and sometimes a breakup is the only way forward. So if any of the below describes you, then maybe it’s time to ask should I walk away.
1. You just know in your heart it’s not right.
Sometimes words just can’t explain it , but you just feel it.
You know you should feel intensely drawn to them. You know should want to spend way more time with them in the relationship. You should want to share all of yourself with them. You should want to make future plans with them and look forward to seeing them.
But you don’t . And you can’t seem to change it no matter how hard you tried.
It is your gut feeling, your instinct, your heart, your intuition trying to tell you that it just isn’t right. They aren’t “the one” for you in the same way that you aren’t the one for them either and you would be doing a massive disservice to both if you were to keep things going.
There isn’t really anything majorly wrong, but the connection you desperately crave is missing. They don’t light you up and make you want to be a better person. You don’t really communicate apart from a peripheral level, you don’t have any deep and meaningful conversations ever. You just don’t feel how you want to and need to.
This situation is difficult because you can’t always explain or articulate why you feel the way you feel.
But it’s so important to trust yourself. Those feelings are your guidance. Your truth. And when you accept that, life gets so much easier and you open the channels for greater love and happiness, just not with that person and you have to forgive yourself because that’s ok. Honestly the simplest of answers is sometimes the most accurate and the truth is not everyone is meant to be with everyone. You are just two people who don’t match, yes it’s that plain and simple.
2. You’re miserable more often than you’re happy.
Do you spend more time fighting, arguing, and feeling annoyed or disappointed and withdrawn with no real want to have the same old conversation over and over again than you do enjoying, loving, and growing with one another?
At the time you may think it’s normal. So you accept it. You kept trying to make it work. You are convinced the sad and withdrawn you will eventually stop if you could be everything they wanted and they could be everything you wanted.
But it isn’t normal, and you are definitely not right for each other if it makes you feel this way, relationships really shouldn’t be this sad or difficult should they ?
If you try to sort out your issues (whether just between the two of you or by seeking help) and you still find yourself miserable more than 50 percent of the time, it’s a sign this relationship isn’t healthy.
Really, you should be happy together more like 80-90 percent of the time!
if this is the case then It’s time for bigger, better, happier, more loving times for both parties and you know what you need to do.
3. Your values, morals, and beliefs are misaligned.
Do you and your partner have different ideas and plans for money, marriage, children, religion, travel, family, work, or just life in general?
Of course, all of our ideas and opinions aren’t always going to be exactly the same. That would just be weird and boring.
But is there a magnitude of differences or even just a few big ones that make you feel really uncomfortable?
This is tricky to navigate. You might find for a while you’re both able to come to a happy compromise or in the beginning of the relationship you can avoid those big contentious issues.
But I promise you they won’t go away. They’re going to shine bright at some point or another, and if both of you feel strongly about the topic it’s going to make your relationship extremely difficult.
If you seek to be different from others and refuse to compromise, it’s important to understand that compromising on external factors is necessary. However, when it comes to essential areas like FAMILY, FINANCES, and MORALITY, inflexibility can lead to significant conflict later. You can’t change your true self for someone else; while compromise is possible, it should never change who you are fundamentally.
To be happy, comfortable, and growing in a relationship, you both need to be on the same page. You need to feel understood, accepted, and heard. When there are differing views on important life topics, this becomes almost impossible and can be difficult to resolve.
When you want the same things and feel similar ways about important issues couples are faced with, your relationship is so much more harmonious, connected, and easy.
So you’re going to want to think long and hard about whether the two of you are really compatible and what kind of differences you’re okay with.
4. You Find Yourself Wondering If You Should leave more often than not.
Do you find yourself (often) wondering if you should break up with your partner?
Here’s the truth. The simple fact that you contemplate this question on a regular basis is probably the number-one sign that the end is near.
Make no mistake, we all desire commitment just as much as the next person .
But if something beneath the surface is making you pause, there’s likely a reason for a reason.
A doubt here and there is normal. But if this same doubt keeps coming back week after week, odds are good that you’re picking up on something deeper.
If this person was ‘the one’ for you, you wouldn’t be contemplating whether or not you should get out. You’d be happily living your life alongside them, and everything would feel right.
5. You Prefer to Be Alone Than to Spend Time with Her
A bit of solitude every day is good for you.
But if you find that you’re increasingly favoring solitude over your partner, there may be a problem.
In life you should truly enjoy spending time with you partner and love doing things like:
- Sharing meals with them
- Watch movies with them
- Spend my time off with them
- Weekend breaks
- Holidays
- Visiting family and friends with them
And find these things and many more enjoyable with the right person.
But if you find that you’re usually looking for ways to get away from your partner—well, that’s not a very good sign. For example If you start work at 11am but get up and leave the house at 6am just so you don’t have to talk with them, making reasons and excuses to not be around them, then that is the opposite of healthy.
As social creatures, we’re hard-wired for social relationships.
And while a bit of solitude is good for us, it’s also good for us to want to spend time with our significant other.
6. You Consistently Revisit the Idea of Ending Things, Even When Things Are Going ‘Well’
Small doubts—especially during times of conflict—are normal, and may not be a reason to end everything altogether.
But in my experience with relationships, I’ve learned an important lesson. This is especially true if the doubts persist during good times.
Are you so put-off by their presence in your life that you find yourself trying to avoid them without making it obvious?
These are all signs that things may have run their course, and that it’s time for you to strike out on your own and start over.
7. You Feel Unfulfilled
As strong, individuals we shouldn’t need other people to complete us.
But this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t always strive to find fulfillment in our relationships.
How do you define ‘fulfillment?’
To find ‘fulfillment’ in your relationships means to receive resources of equal or greater value in exchange for your investment, and to feel a ‘peace’ about the state of the relationship and its effect on your daily life.
I will be straight to the point here
Life is far too short to put up with a relationship where your mind isn’t ‘blown away’ emotionally, physically or even sexually.
Sex is a huge part of life, especially when you’re insanely attracted to your partner .
Don’t feel bad for wanting out of a relationship where the sex has dwindled down to the point of being disappointing, predictable or seems like you best just do it rather than start a fight.
Many say that relationships are hard work. This is true to some degree. There will always be tough times that test you both and ask for compromise, but I truly believe that the majority of the time relationships should bring joy, inspiration, and happiness to both of you.
This is when you know it’s real. It’s right. It’s love.
Things aren’t meant to be hard. You’re supposed to support, encourage, and love each other, not constantly struggle with one another or question things and give up at the drop of a hat.
8. They are not Helping You to Accomplish Your Life’s Purpose
Every person should have a purpose in life.
Every person should be striving to solve a problem in the world, to bring value to others, and to leave a lasting ‘dent’ in the universe. This is how we creates a legacy, and becomes a high-value person.
But here’s the thing.
I know breakups aren’t easy. They’re just as heartbreaking for the person ending it as it is for the partner on the receiving end. And the wounds take time to heal.
But if you’re continuously unhappy, seriously, what’s the point? You really are better off alone or with someone who brings you true joy.
Ask three questions before deciding to walk away.
- Do they make me a better person ?
- Do they make me want to be a better person and level up for them ?
- What is it they do to make me love them and feel like I can’t breath without them ?
Then write a list of 10 good things they bring to the party followed by a list of things that they fail at or don’t do for you and what irritates them about you.
If the good list is short and you struggle to get 10 things and the bad list is jam packed you have your answer.
My final pieces of advice is this , In life it’s easy to stay in a comfort zone but growth doesn’t happen with comfort and you will always find the hardest choices are often the best and yes it hurts walking away from love or what you thought love was but in the end if you level up your game, raise your standards and do not settle for what you have or think you have the world will take you and give you a love so powerful it will scorch the earth to make it your reality,
Not all love is equal or even real sometimes love is only a projection of ease and familiarity, and that isn’t growth that’s settling and no one should settle in life.
Never forget one door closes and a bigger door opens and proper love will blow your mind on every level, emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. Be brave because the hardest chores are always always the best.
So go ahead and trust your heart and your own instinct. You know deep down what the answer is and where your truth lies.
Be brave. Know that the pain will go and more joy will come. Do what you need to do to find real love. It’s always, always worth it in the end.
Serenity by Kevin is a Multi award winning relationship and anxiety practice with offices in Central Scotland and Dubai UAE. If you have any questions or would like to get in touch please go back to the home page and hit the contact us button and you may just be surprised at what changes we can bring for you.