Forgive yourself and let go of the guilt.

I have lived what seems a thousand lives in my 42 years on gods great earth. I have made so many mistakes it would take a lifetime to explain them all. I have loved, laughed, cried and been broken beyond belief. I have ruined perfectly good relationships and they have me and I forgive everyone who has done me wrong in life, but up until a few years ago, I lived with extreme guilt and self-loathing over the two main mistakes I  made in life. The first was the fall out with my mother prior to her leaving and the second was my distance and relationship with my brother before he left this world. Both induced serious guilt to the point the burdens felt heavy on my shoulders each and every day and I knew I had to change that. The emotion of guilt is a very heavy burden to carry and the anxiety it can create combined with the guilt can eat you alive at a moments notice. I discovered how very important letting go and forgiving myself for these mistakes was. Here we will share with you how you can make that happen if you’re living with overwhelming guilt on a daily basis.

Be Honest with yourself: You know deep down if you have either given everything to the thing you’re feeling guilty about or not. You know if you did everything you could or only tried a little. Its usually the second one that makes us feel guilty but that being said people with anxiety problems do find the first is also applicable. Everything really does happen to us for a reason and mostly it is to teach us a lesson so we don’t make the same mistake twice. Let me ask you this question if you could do it differently now in relation to the thing that’s causing the guilt what would you do.  That you see is the answer, the lesson you have taken and becoming more understanding, tolerant, knowledgable that is the reason this happened and it will allow you to move forward and not make the choice again. Don’t try and lie and cover up your part in it, it’s ok to make mistakes, to make wrong choices, to follow your emotional side in life. The point is to look at it, understand that didn’t work out for you that way and don’t repeat. Only by being 100% honest with ourselves can we get the answer. That gut feeling telling you that you were wrong is correct, so be honest with yourself about it, own it and do not repeat.

Understand the weight of guilt as an emotion: Second only to anger in the emotional destruction scale guilt can eat at you all day long if you allow it to. It’s an emotion that serves as a reminder that we are humans and at times we can make the wrong call in life. It reminds us of the consequences of doing the same behaviour or action and the fall out from it. This is a normal human emotion and if you get to deal with it understand it and accept it then it to shall pass. As long as you make an effort to not repeat. Again we have to say doing the same behaviour time and time again will always get you the same result. This one isn’t going to well so to avoid it in the future change the behaviour.

Be humble: Do not care about losing face, not looking strong and saving face some things in life are much more important that’s perception to others and that’s all these things really are a simple perception you want to put across to people. If you have to carry out an action to make something better then do it. If you have to apologise and admit you were wrong again do it. It’s ok to show the world how strong you are but when it comes at the cost of your emotional balance that is a price too heavy to pay. You see the world will look on and say” wow that is a strong person right there who won’t back down” but you are the one who closes your door at night and is left alone with your thoughts and emotions. You have to understand our emotions are the biggest player in your entire life. Everything and I mean everything you do depends on the emotion. Think about it for a second if you were asked to leave something behind for whatever reason who do you make that call, it all boils down to how you feel and as we know feelings are emotions. You must make sure yours are preserved and looked after first and foremost each and every day.

The guilt may be real but is it fact.  I stopped living my life based on emotion a long time ago and made the switch to fact and outcome. Anything we do based on emotion usually turns out to be not so smart. You see emotion has no logic, it doesn’t know right or wrong or future outcomes. It just knows the feeling you have in that split second you think about it. Ask your self this. What is it I feel guilty for and what can I do now to change it. Write it down look at it and the answer is right in front of you. Ok, the thing you have to do is never easy but life isn’t easy and at times we have to make hard choices. If we decided to make a choice that will accept and acknowledge the guilt but you feel embarrassed about doing it, DO IT. embarrassment last a few seconds, minutes and maybe hours even. It will come and it will go like all the other emotions but the gift at the end is removing the one emotion that is hurting us right now. You know what needs to be done already to remove it and only by looking at it and removing the emotions from the choice will make it happen. Remember your now is not your forever. Sometimes we have to suffer a little discomfort emotionally to have emotional fulfilment properly.

Life is a forward movement: Life moves forward every day, time passes people come and people go. You staying where you are and constantly feeling bad for something is keeping you in situ. Life is a 1 shot pony. You do not have the right when it comes to shuffle of this mortal coil to say “I wish I had been happier” That opportunity is never coming your way. You have the here and now and what you decide to do today will sculpt your tomorrow. Forgive, apologise, make amends, reach out, understand and remember we are only human at the end of the day and even if it was or wasn’t your fault you played a part in how you are feeling today. Now play a part in how you recover. Guilt won’t just go because we don’t like it or want it around us. It will go because we accept, acknowledge and act and when I say act I mean really act. Don’t try and just try and make it better or try and accept big, brave bold consistency is what’s needed here. Give yourself to you each and every day and you will soon realise that you are in charge of how you feel. You control the emotional paradox and you and you alone sculpt what we do with it. The acid will do more damage to the vessel its carried in as opposed to the vessel we pour it over. Guilt is that acid so stop holding it in and feeling shitty about it all. You like me have loved, laughed, cried got choices right and got choices wrong. I forgive and accept my choices, it’s about time you did the same.

Remember why: Finally always remember why this has happened, remember what it is here to teach you, the choices you made right or wrong leading up and always look at what you could have done differently, carry out an after-action review of the thing that’s causing you guilt and if this was your doing and you are at fault always forgive yourself for your choices first and then if applicable apologies to the people it affected. Life really is a short journey and as cliche, as it sounds you have no idea what tomorrow brings so if you can do something to right a wrong with others and yourself DO IT. Don’t put it off until tomorrow as so much can be achieved in one day if that day is not tomorrow. Mistakes are only bad things if they are repeated time and time again and the mistake you are making right now is living with guilt. Correct it today and who knows what your emotional balance will be tomorrow but it will be a dam sight better than the one you sit with now.