How many people sit and think about the one that got away, how many people sit and dream about the love they let go for whatever reason. Answer around 80% of people wish they had held on or made more of an effort in the relationship that they so freely gave up on or gave away. I for one am no different and walked away once before because at the time I thought it wasn’t for me,
So how do we move on from it, how do we recover because we can never forget, and you know what that’s ok also, never forgetting the moments and the happiness you once shared with a loved one because as Alfred Lord Tennyson once said “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” and just because we move on it doesn’t mean that you don’t still have a place in your heart for them, how many times have we all read and seen articles of lost loves getting back in touch after years apart and living in different countries and places, the simple message is that its never too late if that’s what is meant to be it will be but for now let’s look at how we can get you guys and girls up and running and moving forward because waiting on the call or message or even email is fruitless as sometimes it just never comes. so let us look how we do this.
Don`t Dwell: When it ends, it’s tempting to dwell on what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. This might seem like it helps you grow and learn like you can somehow change things by going over and over it. You really can’t, all this does is cause you to suffer. Focus on the good things in your current life like the friends who are there for you and the lessons you’ve learned that will help you with future relationships. It might help to share with someone what went on and how you behaved and handled things, that’s where we can learn from. The past cant be changed no matter how much we want it to all you have now is today and the moment, put all your energy and focus into that, not the past, we have to let go and if it truly meant for us it will come back.
Forgive yourself: Ok you got it wrong, you messed it up and you have done damage and hurt people who loved you and you them. Again it sounds cold but we need to forgive and that has to start with us. We are only human after all and life and relationships don’t come with a manual, you cant always get it right and you will at one point mess it up. I promise it’s ok to get it wrong. What is not ok is to hang yourself out to dry over it day after day.
Reach out: This is the part where your normal everyday emotions are really put to the test because depending on how you do this depends on the level of acceptance it is received with. Remeber the title here is Lost love and moving on and before that happens you need to reach out and set the record straight for any mistakes on your part, admit any wrongdoing and let them know you regret and apologise for anything you might have done that caused this relationship to finish. It is really important you only do this when you’re ready and you have forgiven yourself for your part. You need to be able to move on with a clean slate and that can only be done when you apologise for what happened. Now don`t be upset when they have also moved on and started fresh in life remember, it was you that wanted this and if you do love them still, understand that it’s ok to wish and want for them everything they deserve, just because you couldn’t deliver it doesn’t mean someone else can`t so do the right thing. The pain you feel is normal so just embrace it and remember we all learn from our mistakes.
Don’t think about your time as lost: So many things you may have done, an amazing holidays to beautiful island, laughter at the strangest moments, tears when you least expect it and moments of realisation that will live with you forever and a day. All these things and many many more have allowed you to live and experience true love no matter how short it may have been. Love can last a day or a decade, once experienced for the pureness that it is, then it can never have been a wasted journey. I waited 40 years to feel and discover true love and I would do it all again in a heartbeat just to feel that moment you realise it and feel more alive than ever before. Just because you’re not with the person anymore doesn’t mean that the whole relationship was wasted and you lost 9 months or 9 years it is all irrelevant the very fact you felt it and had it for however long meant it was a worth while journey.
Letting Go Is a Work in Progress: You loved, you lost, you gave it away, yet here we are still standing, still breathing and still walking, talking human beings. Life won’t crumble because you still hold love in your heart for someone. Life won’t give up on you because you made mistakes and lost someone you love. Life goes on and the world still turns at a rapid rate of knots and it always has been and always will be that way. You are a work in progress as long as you learn from your mistakes and don’t let them sculpt your future. I am as guilty as the next person but I can say I loved, I lost and I forgive myself and you know what, when I did reach out so did she. So you see it’s not all bad and remember if you do truly love someone then it’s ok to let them go and move on. Just because we move on doesn’t mean to say we ever forget them.
Serenity by Kevin is a Multi award winning relationship and anxiety practice with offices in Central Scotland and Dubai UAE. If you have any questions or would like to get in touch please go back to the home page and hit the contact us button and you may just be surprised at what changes we can bring for you.